Dr. Courtney? The Decision.

So why do I call myself Dr. Courtney? Why & when did I decide to become a doctor? Well it all started about 9 months ago when I began my new, & current, job at a big financial company. The department within the company that I was to be working for was new, so they hired 10 of us to get it up & running. This woman, who I call My Favorite Patient, instantly became the mother of our group. Firstly, because the average age of our group was around 24(I'm 22), & she was atleast 40 years older. Secondly, because she always had a wealth of knowledge, experience, & guidance to give us all whenever any small or large, negative or positive, thing occured in our lives. Thirdly, her voice was motherly, loving, & LOUD..so not listening to her wasn't even an option. She always told us the truth, & never quite what we wanted to hear.

My & My Favorite Patient's cubicles were right next to each other. We talked about anything & everything. I seemed to always bring up topics related to medicine, healthcare, etc, and one day she just flat out asked me:

MFP: Why are you not a doctor?

Me: Uhhhhh...I don't know haha. I started going to school for that but then life happened & I just decided to do something different.

MFP: Well, you know that it's your calling right?

Me: Is it? I'm not so sure. I don't thi-....

MFP: PUUUHLEASE! The way you go off on tangents talking about the physiology & blurting out all these medical terms that us regular people can't even pronounce hahaha! No. It's your calling. I can tell.

Me: (Thinking she's got a point on one hand, but on the other thinking she's just blowing smoke. I couldn't really be destined to become a doctor???) Haha! I don't know. I guess we'll see..

MFP: Yes we will, I'm going to stay on top of you until you follow your true path.

Me: Ooooooook.....

The next day when I came into the office she greeted me with:

MFP: Well GOOD MORNING DOCTOR COURTNEY! (With utter seriousness)

Me: (Thinking she's really taking this doctor-thing too seriously) Hahaha! Good morning My Favorite Patient!

MFP: How was your night at the hospital?

Me: (Alright I'll play along) It was quite eventful actually. I completed rounds & was on call most of the night but didn't get much rest due to an apendectemy, laporoscopic removal of a metatasized kidney, ruptured spleen, and then a coding during a routine Whipple procedure due to malignant hyperthermia. The patient survived however.

MFP: My, my, my, that was a busy night. Atleast you were there to save the day Dr. Courtney!

Me: Yeah, the patient sent me home-baked cookies as a thank you! Haha!

This routine followed day after day for months. It actually became kind of fun because I would start looking up different cases and surgery scenarios at night to replay to MFP the next day. Five months after we were hired, I earned a coveted promotion, making more money than I ever thought was possible for a 22 year-old & was well on my way to establishing a lucrative career in our company. I was dead set on the fact that med school & becoming a doctor just wasn't in the cards for me, but it was fun just to have these faux post-procedure conversations!

Then one day (2 months ago) I was online at work & as usual browsing medical blogs/websites & came across the topic of "Precordial Thump." You know, on 'Grey's Anatomy' when a patient is coding & one of the doctors makes a fist & hits the patient's chest to bring them back to life? Well I was reading all the facts about it & the info was SO fascinating that I began to look it up on youtube to learn how to do it, if the need ever arose (I had just learned how to do an emergency trecheotomy the week prior so I was on a roll). After I learned and practiced the procedure, much to the dismay of my poor ginnie-pig notebook, I went over to MFP's cubicle & went on an excited-fast-talking tangent!

Me: Ohhhhh emmm gee! Guess what I just learned!? Have you ever seen a doctor punch a patient's chest to resuscitate them? Well it's called a precordial thump! The intent is to interrupt a potentially life-threatening rhythm such as pulseless ventricular tachycardia & cause the heart to revert into it's normal rhythm. You bascially strike a single, very carefully aimed blow with the fist to a specific place on the patient's sternum in the absence of a defibrillator, you know the machine that charges, then pushes electrical volts through your body to jumpstart the heart??? Well, the thump actually causes the cells of the precordium, surrounding the heart, to produce an electrical depolarization of 2 to 5 joules..which essentially electrically shocks the heart! Isn't that freakin' cool!?!?!?!!

MFP: (Doesn't say a word. Smiles, tilting her head slightly to the right, with eyes of wisdom saying everything that I already knew inside, but chose to ignore.)

Have you ever had a moment of complete stillness & clarity? When the intentions of your heart & mind were perfectly aligned & every thought was clear, made sense, & you knew without a shadow of a doubt that you were: exactly where you were suppose to be, exactly when you were suppose to be, & exactly what you were suppose to do next was suddenly, piercingly crystal clear? I had that moment right then. That is when I decided to become a doctor. We all have free will, but that doesn't mean God doesn't attempt to put people in our lives to do a little course-correcting. 'Adjustment Bureau' anyone? ;)

MFP has actually been in the hospital for the past two weeks recovering from surgery. I visit her 4 times a week to check in on her & make sure she's being well cared for. I've only had to go off on one of her caregivers thus far (which brings me to a topic that really pisses me off but that is for another day's post). All of her nurses actually think that I am a doctor due to the fact that everytime I round the corner into her room she exclaims(in her loving & LOUD voice):

MFP: HAHAHA! WELL DR. COURTNEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!

Me: Just checking up on my favorite patient..

One Step At A Time

So, lately I've been reading pre-med & current medical students blogs ad nauseum! I was SO enthused about jumping on my own medical school journey that I wanted to know anything & EVERYTHING I could about the process & also get to experience a little bit of it vicariously through them. All of this reading has lead to me constantly thinking about: MCATs, med school applications, matriculation, gross anatomy, Step exams, final exams, residency matching, potential fellowship programs etc etc...over and over again in that order constantly every night before I go to sleep. It's to the point where I cannot go to sleep for hours!!!
Last night I was obssessing over administering anesthesia for the first time. Trying to imagine the process: Airway, Breathing, Circulation. Hypnotic, Paralytic, etc.
Then today I realized why people say: "Take it one step/day at a time." I never understood it before because my logic was: How is one to be properly prepared to reach one's goals if one does not have a detailed trajectory mapped out as to know what to expect &  what action to take at each stepping stone?!?!? The answer is simple: One mustn't obssess over tomorrow because all we have ever & will ever have is THIS present moment. So concentrate on this step, this day, this present moment & excell in it. As long as we are always focused on excelling in the present moment, we will always excell.
I think this is a great lesson to be learned by many students on the Doctor track from the blogs I've been reading.
Sidenote: I just played tennis with a friend because I'm trying to lose weight and because I love tennis. Long story-short..he kicked my ass...BAD! I guess I'm a little rusty. Just took a hot shower to soothe my latissimi dorsi....now it's sleep time. Bonus: I don't have to be at work until 2:30pm! :))))

Trauma Rush.

"I knew today was going to be a challenge two Pediatric open heart cases back-to-back), but what I didn't know was that I was supposed to be carrying the Pediatric Trauma and Pediatric Arrest pagers today too. You want to know an wholly unpleasant way to find out that fact? Be working in the OR, getting your patient settled before going on bypass, when a nurse wanders in, thrusting the pagers towards you. "Dr. Au, one of the anesthesia secretaries said you're supposed to be holding these pagers today, and that one of them just went off." Whee! I don't know why someone who is actually working in the OR is somehow also supposed to be available to field the arrest and trauma pages (this just builds in a critical delay--I had to page my attending to handle my patient on the table while I grabbed the arrest bag and went running down to the ER to attend to a patient who, for the sake of anonymity, I will call Stabby McKnife) but hey, things can't always make sense, can they? That would make things too easy."

This is from Dr. Au, a board-certified Anesthesiologist in Atlanta, GA. This, ladies and gentlemen, is one of the reason why I wanted to become a Doctor, and more specifically, an Anesthesiologist. The excitement, the rush, the fact that you are actually saving people's lives every day. Think about it. As an Anesthesiologist, it's your job to breathe, circulate, and maintain homeostasis for that patient...basically keeping them alive while the surgeon performs a procedure that ordinarily would kill them. The meticulous attention to detail. The quick recall memory one must master (In case your patient's blood pressure begins to spike and you must administer drugs to keep them stable but also remember all the drugs you have already administered and deciphering which drug will not affect the others adversely.) Ahhhh!

Yes people, I want to save lives every day. The road I will embark on to get there will be treacherous. This is why I started this blog. To maintain a journal of my experiences along the way. It will be a long journey in fact. I am in the midst of completing my undergrad, so we're starting at the very beginning! Are you ready? :)